Don't Get Any Ideas


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Irrational Fears



Comic Text
(Lily is walking with bare feet)
Simon: How are your feet holding up?
Lily: Fine. Don't worry, I've been doing this for years and I haven't died yet.
Simon: So if you die, it's a sign that you should stop, right?
Lily: Yeah. Or almost die. I almost died once in a car, and since then I've only been a car a twice. Both times I had a panic attack.
Simon: Oh.
Lily: Considering how dangerous driving is and how nonchalant people are about it, I'm surprised how much concern people express for behaviors that are much less risky. It's cultural conditioning ? people are irrationally afraid of harmless things like public toilet seats. Do you know how many people have died from toilet seats?
Simon: How many?
Lily: I was hoping YOU knew. You're the scientist.
Simon: Science teacher.
Lily: Right.



Meeting Sasha



Comic Text
(Simon joins Lily and Sasha at a picnic table with food)
Simon: It cleared up quickly.
Lily: These benches are still wet though.
Simon: Oh well.
Lily: Have you met my roommate Sasha?
Simon: No. Hi.
Sasha: Nice to meet you.
Lily: This is Simon.
Sasha: Are you the one who thinks lawns are evil?
Simon: Those weren't my exact words.
Lily: Sasha is the one who slaughters our saplings.
Sasha: WHAT??
Lily: Mows the lawn, I mean.



Looking for Work



Comic Text
Sasha: I maintain the property so I can get a discount on rent. Otherwise I couldn't afford to live here on babysitting money. I'm looking for a job too.
Simon: What kind of job?
Sasha: I don't know. I'm not really qualified for anything.
Simon: I doubt that's true. There are positions that practically anyone could fill.
Sasha: PRACTICALLY anyone. Guess who the exception is? Besides, I can't afford a car right now, and the there aren't a lot of openings in Rockbottom.
Simon: You could borrow MY car for a while. I hardly ever use it.
Sasha: You literally JUST met me and you're offering your car?
Simon: Well, I already know where you live.
Sasha: I could be a con artist who's just pretending to be broke until some idiot lets me steal his car.
Simon: I offer to lend you my car and you respond by calling me an idiot?
Sasha: Not what I meant, sorry.



Family Drama



Comic Text
(Lily is on the phone)
Lily: Mom, you KNOW why I can't go to those stores, and I'm not gonna argue about it.
Lily's mom: You used to say you could do anything you wanted to. The word "can't" wasn't even in your vocabulary.
Lily: Okay, it's not that I CAN'T, it's that I DON'T WANT to.
Lily's mom: I'm worried about how this is affecting your life.
Lily: I know. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'll see you Sunday, okay?
Lily's mom: Okay. I love you.
Lily: I love you too.
(Lily sighs and wipes tears from her eyes, then goes back to the table)
Simon: Everything okay?
Lily: Yeah, just some family drama. Nothing big. What did I miss?
Sasha: I accidentally called Simon an idiot. This is what happens when you leave me alone with people. Lily: Sorry.



Alone at Night



Comic Text Lily: I'm tired of how much they demonize men nowadays. I saw an article that said, "Men, if you see a woman walking alone at night, steer clear of her so you don't scare her."
Simon: I don't condone DEMONIZATION, but I think it's good to be considerate of people's fears.
Lily: Well, I don't want good-intentioned men avoiding me on the streets. Then the ones who DON'T have good intentions are left to attack with no witnesses.



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