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Lily's PTST

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Lily: Um... Give me a minute.
(Lily is goes into the bathroom and sits on the toilet, panicking and crying, then she wipes her eyes and comes out)
Lily: Sorry about that, Angie. What did you want me to look at?
Angie: The living room bathtub still has this blue stain from yesterday.
Lily: Did you try using hydrogen peroxide?

The Stain on the Bathtub

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Spencer: Lily is applying this baking soda paste to the bathtub to get the blue stain off.
Lily: I swear this is going to be just the BEGINNING of a big "Cat and the Hat Comes Back" fiasco.
(Spencer is recording Lily with a camera)
Spencer: That'd be awesome. Next scene there'll be blue paste all over the walls, and my shoes...
Lily: We could basically ruin your whole house, Spence, and as long as you got it on video, you'd be chill about it.
Spencer: It's all about the views. Is this making anyone else want cake?
(close-up of Lily speading the paste)

Yard Maintenance

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Carl: LEAVES!
(Carl the little kid jumps into a big pile of leaves Sasha has raked)
Sasha: Uh-oh.
Jordan: Hey Sasha. Are you free? Can you watch Carl for a few hours?
Sasha: Hi Jordan. Sure. Simon is advising me about the yard maintenance.
Jordan: Great, man. Like I said, you can do anything as long as I don't get any complaints about it. You can turn it into a freakin' CANDYLAND for all I care.
Carl: Candyland?
Simon: That wasn't what I had in mind, but good to know.
Carl: Aww, MAN!

Fallen Leaves

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Sasha: I'm not making much progress with the leaves, but at least Carl is entertained.
Simon: You don't have to REMOVE the leaves. You can mow over them, leave a layer to fertilize the lawn, and use the rest to mulch the garden beds.
Sasha: Really? I was always taught to rake before mowing.
Simon: That's what they say. It makes it easier to collect all the leaves and grass clippings, so you can deprive your yard's soil of nutrients, so you'll think you need to generously apply lawn fertizer, which runs into waterways and contributes to the decline in aquatic life, while your leaves rot in a landfill emitting greenhouse gases.
Sasha: I'm starting to get why you think lawns are evil.
Simon: I never SAID that.

Parenting

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Lily: Yesterday I saw a woman having lunch with her kids, and they weren't doing anything bad, but she was barking orders at them, like "sit still!" and "stop humming and eat your food!" all in that high-pitched domineering tone, like she had to control every motion or manerism they expressed. It would be considered rude to treat another adult like that. Why do we accept it when it's a kid?
Simon: Well, parents are responsible for their kids' actions, and the kids aren't old enough to know or care which behaviors are appropriate.
Lily: I'm and ADULT and I don't care which behaviors are appropriate.
Simon: At least you're aware of how you affect people.
Lily: I don't think kids learn that by constantly being yelled at.
Simon: I agree. But I try not to judge anyone too harshly. Parenting can be stressful, and I don't know what it's like. Sometimes the immediate goal is just to get through the day without anyone dying.
(A parent stands next to their kid asleep in bed as the house is in shambles around them. Parent: I did it. )

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